NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher: Guiding a teenager back on track with faith, love, and patience
In this week’s episode of Family Dynamics with Eesher, a deeply concerned mother reached out to seek advice from me and other experienced mothers regarding her teenage daughter’s troubling behavior at school. It’s a delicate and emotional situation, please let’s offer compassionate yet honest guidance to help her navigate this challenging time.
Dear Sis Eesher,
Please, I’ll need your expertise as a parenting coach and experienced mother to advise me on the steps to take on this issue that has been bothering me.
I have a teenage daughter who’s in one of the Universities in Nigeria. I just discovered from a reliable source that she normally sleeps in one particular boy’s house. It shattered me a lot as she’s from a good home, and I can say she’s well-trained. She just decided to choose that path. This is a girl I talk to from time to time.
I have decided to stop her from going to school till she’s ready to learn and follow the right guidance or let her write another jamb and attend a nearby University in Osun State, here.
What do you think I can do to correct her? Thank you.
Dear Anonymous
Thank you for trusting me with such a sensitive matter. I understand how painful and unsettling this discovery must be for you as a parent, especially considering the effort you’ve put into raising your daughter with good values. However, I urge you to approach this situation with a balanced and compassionate mindset, as the way you handle it can deeply impact your daughter’s emotional and psychological well-being.
First and foremost, know that teenage rebellion or poor choices don’t mean failure on your part as a parent. They are opportunities for growth and redirection. Handle this with love, firmness, and patience. With proper guidance, she can regain her focus and make better decisions.
Make it a point to wake up before Subh, hold her head while she is asleep, and recite this verse “Ihdinas Siratal Mustaqim (Verse 06, Surah Fatihah) اهدِنَــــا الصِّرَاطَ المُستَقِيمَ Guide us on the right path” 40 times over her; do this consecutively for 7 days. Repeat after a month, or whenever she is home for the holidays. In sha Allah she will be well-behaved
Here are more steps I recommend
1. Pause and Reflect
Before taking drastic actions like pulling her out of school, take a moment to calm down and assess the situation objectively. Avoid acting out of anger or disappointment, as this might push her further away instead of helping her.
READ ALSO: NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher: Managing emotional defenses and aggression
2. Open a Non-Judgmental Conversation
Approach her calmly and with love. Start by expressing your concern rather than condemning her actions. For example:
I heard something recently that worries me, and I’d like to hear from you so we can figure things out together.” This can create a safe space for her to open up without feeling attacked.
3. Listen to Understand, Not to Judge
Let her explain her actions and feelings. Sometimes, teenagers make choices based on peer pressure, seeking attention, or emotional gaps they feel at home or elsewhere. Understanding her motivations can guide your next steps.
4. Reaffirm Your Love and Values
After listening, gently remind her of the values she was raised with and the importance of protecting her dignity and future. Share how her actions impact not only her but also the family’s trust and expectations.
5. Explore Alternative Consequences
Instead of stopping her education, consider these options:
-Increased Supervision: Consider involving trusted family members or mentors in her life.
– Relocation: If necessary, discuss transferring her to a university closer to home, but ensure this is a collaborative decision and not seen as a punishment.
-Therapy or Counseling: A professional counselor or therapist can provide a neutral platform to address underlying issues and guide her better.
6. Strengthen Your Relationship
Teenagers often seek validation and support elsewhere when they feel misunderstood or disconnected at home. Spend more time with her, involve her in family activities, and reassure her that she can always count on you.
7. Pray and Stay Hopeful
As a parent, prayer can be a powerful tool to seek guidance and strength. Ask for wisdom in handling the situation and for her to be guided back to the right path.
8. Set Clear Boundaries and Expectations
Make it clear that her behavior has consequences, but ensure these boundaries are fair and not overly punitive. Explain that her choices now affect her future and the trust you’ve placed in her.
Warm regards,
Sis Eesher
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