Are you still the person your spouse fell in love with? by Aisha M Auyo
The famous marriage counsellor, Maryam Lemu, advised couples to often ask themselves if they’re still the person their spouse fell in love with. The answer would help one reflect and recognise which area to concentrate on in order to improve thier marital relationship.
But how can one achieve this if he/she is oblivious of the qualities that attracted his or her partner to him or her. Why did your partner choose to spend entire lifetime with you despite million of others all over the world? What are the qualities that attracted them and made same want to be with you for the rest of their life? You should know that at least more than half of those qualities that attracted your person significantly at least, if not completely.
These qualities may range from your looks, to character, your smile, skill, gestures, intelligence, or even the way you laugh. I know of a man who married his wife because of her loud laughter. He said, the sound of her laughter makes his worries vanish. And sadly, she stopped laughing after a life-changing event that occurred in their life. They lost their two kids to gunmen, and from that day, she lost herself. (Story for another day).
Men are creatures of few words, women should pay attention to whatever they say or indicate even the slightest interest. If you are lucky your partner is outspoken, then the work is made easier for you.
I know life happens, and changes are inevitable, but we should always strive to bounce back.. or even be better versions of ourselves. Laziness destroys marriage… and not improving ourselves and relationships is one of the commonest laziness present in our lives. We find silly excuses, blame nature, blame work, kids, our significant others, and anything we can lay excuses on. But trust me, with willpower and dedication, we can improve our relationship every day with small consistent steps.
This write up is a wake-up call for you and I, nd even I who have been slumbering too – I stop writing… completely; my PhD thesis completely abandoned; my relationship write ups forgotten; in fact, even the short motivational and inspiring pieces I use to write are neglected. And one of the qualities that attracted my husband (then Boyfriend) to me was writing.
He’s amazed by my ideas and intellect, my zeal and inspiration to write. He loves my wordings and spends time reading my childish drafts. He supported and cheered me. He even bought me a modem for browsing, research and online publishing…. (At that time when one can only access internet in the cafe… When we use to pay 50 naira for 30min and 100naira for an hour internet surfing time, so modem was a big deal). I embraced penning down ideas to the fullest, and made sure I published at least one well researched article per day.
Then life happened and I changed. I hated typing. I just want to read and move on. Sometimes my husband would say, “As a matter of fact, you are becoming lazy, you no longer write,” and I’d reply with excuses like school, taking care of the kids, and running a catering bussiness ain’t a joke. They are all fables. I use to have free hours to surf the internet.
Whenever I share with him a beautiful write up by others, he would be like “great write up!, I just wish it were your words”. Still I wasn’t bothered. It didn’t hit me hard till the day he invited me to listen to a radio programme where they invited writers and poets for discussion. He was so attentive and enthusiastic…. The woman in me got pissed off, as the guest was a lady that day… I pretended to share his enthusiasm, but I was boiling inside ?. That night, I thought about myself and the lazy girl i’d become.
The reflection reminded me of the many messages I received asking me why I stop writing. My blog followers become concerned, some disappointed. I made up my mind to try to be better. I know deep inside me I can do better. I need to rekindle that flame.
Tonight, ask yourself, what qualities attracted my spouse to you? Is that quality still present in you? Have you improved in that area? What should you do to rekindle that attraction? Remember, a happy couple produces happy and healthy kids, which in turn produces a healthy family, state, nation, and the world at large. This single and simple effort can go a long way in making the world better place.
*Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A mother of three, a Home Maker, caterer and parenting/ relationship coach.
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