The reason why there are so many divorces today is because of not realising that a relationship starts off with passionate love then that wears off to get replaced with companionate love.
People perceive the inevitable disappearance of passionate love as the end of the marriage. When you first move to a new house at first the novelty produces interesting and mysterious emotions. However after a short time the novelty fades. Living in the home becomes more about stability rather than the initial pleasurable emotions that were evoked due to the new setting.
Marriage is the same. The butterflies, suspense and lovey dovey feelings will subside. That is why it is important to have compatibility with your spouse. Marry a believer with deen and good manners and enjoy companionate love. Never rely on passionate love as the foundation for marriage. Enjoy it at the beginning the same way you enjoy something new but know after that that there will be marriage waves to surf. Once again marry a good believer who will support you through the challenges of life and will be a means to jannah.
Action films don’t represent real life where one person beats up 20 armed men in the middle of the street. Likewise the 24/7 romance in films is no more real than the guy who takes 30 bullets but is still alive. Don’t get brain washed by movies. If you decide to live in fantasy land it will be hard to live real life.
We all found it strange when a kid jumped off a building thinking he was Batman. Well don’t do the same by jumping into marriage thinking you are Romeo (or Juliet).
Imagine a good friend gives you a pot of gold and asks you to look after it. If you are oblivious to the value of gold you won’t understand and could find it hard to live up to the request. If you are under the false impression that no thief would want to nick a pot of gold you could get complacent. However if you love your friend then you will do it out of love for them even if you don’t understand. We would all find this mentality of not knowing the worth of gold and people’s desire for it as very strange. How can someone not know the real value and preciousness of gold?
Yet there is something more special than gold that a lot of people fail to appreciate the value of and that is no other than a woman! The woman was created very beautiful, honourable, and highly special. It is a woman’s job to look after herself to maintain that. There are women who don’t preserve the beauty and blessings they were given and thus they come to perceive themselves as something very normal. Some are still very attractive but lack self awareness. Such women won’t understand one motive of the hijab which is to cover and preserve their beauty as well as to protect themselves. If someone was asked to look after rubbish they would see it as pointless. When a woman has the misperception that her body is something not worth safe guarding then to her it would feel like being asked to look after something worthless. Such women need to be taught how they are worth a lot and how special they are. They need to have their minds filled with self awareness and high self esteem. There are women that are naive with regards to the predatory nature of men. There are women who are very well acquainted with it but couldn’t care less. If someone thinks a pot of gold won’t be a target for thieves then such a mindset must be corrected. Likewise it is imperative to explain to naive women that not every man has good intentions. That is to get them to do what is noble and righteous (for their own good).
A Muslimah with shyness will know the massive blessing bestowed upon her. She will wear the hijab to please the Creator SWT first and foremost and covering her beauty will feel like something natural. Islam puts us in a positive frame of mind, makes dignity beloved to us and makes us want to live a good life. Islam will give us the lens by which we can appreciate and feel what is valuable and a Muslimah woman will know her worth. It will be deeply embedded in her psychology and hijab will feel like something natural and easy. Islam will give us sound emotions as well as having self respect and modesty. Shyness is from iman. A Mu’minah won’t accept that a strange man sees something of her that is private and must be concealed. Her iman and shyness will give her natural feelings by which she will hate that a strange man be exposed to something that is both personal and precious of hers. Anyway, a believer will obey the Creator SWT at all times. Understanding the wisdom behind Islamic obligations and attaining worldly benefits comes after full submission to the Creator SWT and they are a bonus.
Obey the Creator SWT at all times.
Know that you are beautiful, honourable and special.
Protect yourself from evil.
I ask Allah SWT to bless us with iman and shyness.
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This is an aptly written and well-captured piece. The writer has unequivocally touched on some of the most pressing issues nowadays, which is a matter of grave concern and has done so much justice to it.
I wish all couples, especially Muslim women around the world could read and understand this article, I’m pretty sure it will change their entire notion of what marriage and womanhood are all about and make them see the beauty embedded in them and do the needful.
I appreciate the writer, may Allah SWT increase her more in knowledge and understanding.
Ameen and thanks.