In carrying out a wife’s dual mandate, by Aisha M Auyo
“You are married to me and not the kids.”
“I was here before the kids.”
“I come first and not the kids.”
“Your primary duty is to me and not the kids.”
How often do wives/mothers hear the above statements? Very often of course. And to many, it’s a shame that husband or fathers compete with their kids to get the attention of the woman of the house? Is it really?
Well, one may say “aren’t you lucky to have your husband and kids fight over you.” But no, that is far from being lucky. The woman in this context is thrown into a state of dilemma, confusion and psychological trauma.
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Husbands should be able to save their wives this heartache and trauma by being more considerate and appreciative of the wives-cum-mothers’ indispensable roles in the family.
The moment a child is born into the world, a mother’s duties commence. An infant in the first days of its existence is more feeble and helpless than any other living creature. He or she is unable to minister to his or her own needs. But to meet this weakness and incapacity on the part of the infant, God has implanted in the heart of the mother a yearning affection to her offspring. No one can understand so well or ever so ready to meet the needs of a child as a mother.
Nevertheless, having said all these, let’s pause and ask ourselves “is it appropriate for a mother to make her kids her firstcare in a bid to fulfilling her duties?’ No. Her whole time should not be spent in attending to the kids’ needs to the neglect of her husband’s. However, it is necessary that reasonable time should be spent so that the kids could have the comfort and happiness they deserve.
It is therefore, imperative to stress that husbands SHOULD NOT be neglected; neither should they be substituted for their kids.
One of the purposes of marriage is for companionship and a man is expected to find this in his wife. As the wife becomes overly involved with and attached to her kids, she slacks in the fulfilment of this purpose towards her husband.
When this happens, the man feels lonely and loses his best friend who is supposed to be his wife. He then becomes vulnerable to outside temptations.Will you therefore, blame a man for reacting to this?
When a woman places her kids above her husband, her action says to him that she loves the kids more than him.This should not be so. Make your husband feel important and know how much you value him. Alternatively, instead of treating him as a second-class citizen in his own home, why not treat him as one of your children. After all, the legendary French fashion designer Gabrielle Bonheur Chanel (CoCo Chanel) rightly quoted ‘’As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!’’
Wives/mothers, be wise’, but I must admit, it’s easier said than done!
Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology, a mother of three, a Home Maker, caterer and parenting/ relationship coach.
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