NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher: Managing emotional defenses and aggression
Dear Sis Eesher,
“I read your piece about boys and hormones, and I replied, ” I don’t know why I’m so defensive like I don’t like it.” I don’t know why I don’t trust anybody with what is happening in my life, like for whatever situation. It will be hard for me to talk to anyone, and I read a lot about talking to someone, especially when you are in a bad situation. The second thing is aggression; sometimes I wake up with so much aggression, and I don’t fear anything.
I don’t know if this is psychologically normal.”
READ THE POST ON MALE HORMONES: Hormonal symphony and complexity; The male version, by Aisha Musa Auyo
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for sharing how you’re feeling. It’s clear that you’re going through a complex emotional phase, and it takes courage to acknowledge that. Here’s a breakdown of what I think might be happening:
1. Being Defensive and Not Trusting Others. It’s not uncommon to feel defensive when we’re dealing with internal struggles. Often, this can stem from fear of being judged, misunderstood, or perhaps not wanting to feel vulnerable. Trusting others in our inner lives requires a sense of safety, and if that’s missing, it’s natural to put up walls. This self-protection can turn into isolation, which makes us more defensive.
2. Reluctance to Talk to Others: While opening up to others is often encouraged, it’s not easy for everyone. Some of us need time to process things internally before we can share, and that’s okay. But when we hold everything in, it can increase emotional stress, leading to feeling overwhelmed. Talking to someone who feels safe—whether a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist—can help lift some of that weight.
3. Aggression and Lack of Fear: Feeling aggressive or waking up with a surge of strong emotions could be related to unresolved tension or stress. Sometimes, when we’re under a lot of pressure or emotionally drained, our body’s way of coping can manifest in unexpected ways like irritability or aggression. It’s like your body is trying to release pent-up frustration. Not fearing anything in these moments could be your mind’s way of asserting control or rejecting the vulnerability you may feel deep down.
Is this psychologically normal?
Emotions like defensiveness and aggression often signal that something deeper is going on internally. While they can be common reactions to stress or emotional overload, it’s important to reflect on what’s triggering these feelings. Keeping them unchecked can affect your mental and emotional well-being.
It might help to start journaling your thoughts or practicing mindfulness to see what specific triggers are present. Seeking a counselor to explore these feelings further could also be helpful, especially if the emotions feel overwhelming.
Most importantly, frequent yourself with duas and zikr, “Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.” – Quran, 13:28
With love, Sis Eesher
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