“I am not mean, that is just how I am”, by Maryam Rabiu

“I am not mean, that is just how I am”, by Maryam Rabiu

While growing up, I have encountered mean people who usually defend themselves by saying “I am not mean, that is just how I am”. Have you ever encountered someone who, when confronted about their behavior, simply brushes it off with the phrase, “I am not mean, that is just how I am”?

While it’s true that each person is unique and comes with their own set of personality traits, the idea of excusing mean-spirited actions with a self-prescribed label seems dubious. Are we really hardwired to be unkind, or is there a deeper reason behind such behavior?

One perspective suggests that upbringing and past experiences play a significant role in shaping our personalities. Childhood experiences, in particular, can leave a lasting impact on how we perceive and interact with the world.

Someone who grew up in a challenging environment may have developed defense mechanisms that manifest as seemingly mean behavior. Therefore, the phrase “that is just how I am” becomes a defense mechanism, a shield against delving into the vulnerable layers of one’s past.

On the other hand, some argue that personal responsibility should not be overshadowed by a challenging upbringing. Choosing to be mean or unkind is a conscious decision, and labeling it as an inherent trait might be an oversimplification. It raises questions about accountability and the ability to evolve beyond negative patterns of behavior.

Exploring this dichotomy leads to the realisation that the phrase might be a defense mechanism for avoiding self-reflection. Admitting that one’s actions are hurtful or unkind requires acknowledging the potential for change and personal growth.

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Embracing change, however, can be a daunting prospect, as it demands stepping out of one’s comfort zone and confronting aspects of oneself that may be uncomfortable.

In the realm of relationships, the phrase “I am not mean, that is just how I am” can strain connections and create an emotional distance. It places the burden of acceptance solely on others, dismissing the possibility of compromise or mutual understanding.

Healthy relationships thrive on communication, empathy, and a willingness to adapt, making it crucial to address and understand the roots of behavior rather than dismissing it with a fixed identity.

However, while it’s essential to recognise the individuality of each person, using the phrase “I am not mean, that is just how I am” as a blanket excuse raises questions about personal responsibility and the potential for growth. Instead of accepting mean-spirited actions as an unchangeable part of one’s character, there is value in exploring the underlying reasons behind such behavior and fostering an environment that encourages self-reflection and positive transformation.

After all, true growth lies in the ability to challenge and evolve beyond the limitations we impose on ourselves.

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