NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher: Judged her for cheating until I nearly did the same
In this week’s episode of Family Dynamics with Sis Eesher, an honest and deeply reflective wife opens up about an experience that changed her perspective forever. She once judged another woman harshly for living a life she believed was shameful—until she found herself walking a similar path. Her story is a powerful reminder that none of us is immune to weakness, and that judging others may lead us to the very trial we condemn.
May her words serve as a lesson in humility, empathy, and the endless mercy of Allah.
“Dear Sis Eesher,
I want to share a personal story—one that I hope will help others learn and stop judging people so quickly.
I was raised in a very religious and morally upright family. I grew up with strong values, and I’ve always considered myself a principled woman. So, for me, the idea of a woman—especially a married one—engaging in extramarital affairs was not just sinful, but unimaginable.
After I got married and moved to a new city with my husband, I encountered a woman in our neighbourhood who shocked me. She was married, yet frequently seen with different men who picked her up and brought her back before evening. I joined the neighbours in gossiping about her. I despised her and could barely bring myself to say more than “Salam” when we met. I didn’t hide my disdain, I felt she had no excuse. No matter what she was going through, I believed there could never be a justification for cheating.
One day, a neighbour cautioned me: “Don’t judge her, you don’t know what she might be going through.” But I was firm in my belief that such behaviour was inexcusable and evidence of a lack of home training and fear of Allah.
Eventually, the woman divorced her husband and started sharing photos of herself performing Umrah and travelling to expensive places. I got so fed up with seeing her updates that I deleted her contact from my phone. I thought I was finally done judging her.
But then… life taught me a painful lesson.
A few months later, I ran into an old boyfriend I had rejected when I was single. We bumped into each other at a shopping mall, exchanged numbers, and began chatting occasionally. He was lonely in the city, and so was I, especially with my husband constantly travelling. Our conversations became frequent, and soon we started meeting in parks and restaurants. Though nothing physical happened, I enjoyed his company immensely. I found myself dressing up for him, looking forward to our meetings, and cherishing the attention he gave me. He had always loved me and made time for me no matter how busy he was.
I started to hate myself. This wasn’t me. I began reflecting deeply on what I was doing, how wrong it was in the sight of Allah, and how it could ruin everything I hold dear: my marriage, family, and hereafter.
So I stopped.
I turned to Allah with sincerity. I prayed, cried, fasted, gave sadaqah, performed night prayers, and made endless istighfar. I begged Allah for forgiveness and guidance.
Alhamdulillah, I feel healed. I believe Allah accepted my repentance and redirected me. But I can’t help but feel that what happened to me was a direct result of the harsh judgment I had passed on my neighbour. Even when I was warned, I looked down on her and assumed she was beyond redemption.
Now, I’ve learned to never judge anyone again. I’ve learned to stop gossiping and to abandon the “holier-than-thou” attitude. I sincerely hope that others can take something from my story.
May Allah guide and protect us all.”
Dear Anonymous,
Thank you for your honesty and bravery in sharing this powerful story. It holds a lesson for all of us: humility, empathy, and restraint in judgment.
Your story reminds me of a profound hadith:
“Whoever shames his brother for a sin, he will not die until he commits it.”
( مَن عَيَّرَ أَخَاهُ بِذَنْبٍ، لَمْ يَمُتْ حَتَّى يَعْمَلَهُ)
Reported by At-Tirmidhi (Hadith no. 2505) and Al-Tabarani.
This hadith warns against arrogance and self-righteousness. When we mock or condemn others for their sins, we risk being tested by that very same fault.
It also echoes a timeless Quranic reminder:
“Do not mock others, it may be that they are better than you.”
Surah Al-Hujurat (49:11)
May your story continue to inspire others toward mercy, humility, and self-reflection.
With love, Sis Eesher
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