NP’s Family Dynamics with Sis Eesher: A wife drained by silence, blame, and neglect
Dear Sis Eesher
I am married with two children. My husband provides for us, and I also run a small business, though it’s not doing so well yet. Alhamdulillah for everything.
My problem is my husband’s attitude. He is not romantic, not caring, and not emotionally supportive. He never appreciates me. He doesn’t say “sorry” or “thank you,” and he doesn’t care whether I’m happy or not. Communication is difficult; he doesn’t listen, and he blames me for every little mistake.
When I’m sick, he shows little or no concern. I can’t complain or advise him. Anytime we have an issue, I am the one who must beg repeatedly before he talks to me. If I don’t kneel on both knees to greet him in the morning, he responds coldly.
We had a misunderstanding last week. I’ve already gone to beg him, but he’s still not speaking to me. Wallahi, I’m fed up. His emotional neglect is draining me. I’ve reported to his family several times, but nothing has changed.
I am married, and I want to feel loved. He has never beaten me or denied me food, but this emotional abuse is breaking me. I’m lonely, unhappy, and isolated, far from friends and family. I think about leaving, but I’m scared and worried about my parents’ reaction.
I know marriage has ups and downs, but I believe things are manageable when couples communicate and try to understand each other. Unfortunately, that’s not my reality. Please advise me like your sister.
Dear Anonymous,
First, may Allah comfort your heart, bless your patience, and reward everything you are enduring. Ameen.
What you described is not “overreacting.” It is emotional neglect, and emotional neglect is just as painful as physical hurt. A woman needs attention, affection, appreciation, and a husband who understands that leadership is not harshness, and respect is not fear.
Your husband provides financially, Alhamdulillah — but a home is built with more than money. A woman who is emotionally ignored will feel lonely even inside a full house. What you feel is valid.
Let me break it down gently:
1. This is not a small issue
A man who refuses communication, punishes with silence, demands kneeling before basic greetings, and never acknowledges your efforts is creating an unhealthy power imbalance.
You are not being loved the way Allah instructed men to love their wives.
2. You have tried
You’ve begged, you’ve apologized for peace, you’ve spoken to his family. You’ve carried the emotional weight alone. You’re exhausted because you’ve been the only one putting in effort.
READ ALSO: NP’s Family Dynamics With Sis Eesher: Intimacy and Financial Stress in Marriage
3. You deserve love, not fear
A marriage where a woman can not speak, can not complain, can not express pain, cannot advice, can not be sick, and can not exist without begging… is not a peaceful marriage.
And wallahi, emotional abuse is real, and it drains the heart slowly.
4. Don’t rush to leave — but don’t stay suffering silently
Before any major decision, do these three things:
(a) Seek a neutral third-party intervention
Not his family alone.
Not your family alone.
A respected imam, counsellor, or elder who understands emotional abuse should mediate.
(b) You need to express your boundaries clearly
Not in anger, but calmly and respectfully.
Let him know the silent treatment, the blame, and the lack of affection are hurting the marriage.
(c) Strengthen your emotional independence
Reconnect with small joys.
Reconnect with Allah deeply.
Build yourself spiritually and emotionally, so you’re not depending solely on him for happiness.
5. If nothing changes, know this:
Islam does not command women to stay in marriages that crush their hearts. Your parents may feel a certain way, but your emotional well-being and mental health also matter. You can not continue to break for the sake of appearance.
But don’t make the decision today.
Not in sadness.
Not in frustration.
Make it after you’ve tried the right steps, with guidance, with dua, with clarity.
6. For now:
Take deep breaths.
You are not alone.
You are not a failure.
You are not weak.
You are a woman asking for basic love, and that is not a sin.
May Allah soften his heart towards you, guide him to fulfil his responsibilities with compassion, and open doors of ease for you in ways you never imagined. Ameen.
With love and prayers, Sis Eesher
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