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Our words have the power to build or break our marriages, by Aisha Musa Auyo


Our words have the power to build or break our marriages, by Aisha Musa Auyo

In my last article, I wrote about how verbal appreciation affects marriage. In this episode, I will discuss how our words have the power to build or break our marriages. Words are not just for communication; they are for construction and destruction.

We are builders when we use our words wisely. With our words, we are creating a marriage that matters, a union that makes it through the good and bad, through thick and thin.

Here are a few things that you can build with your words in marriage

1. Intimacy

Intimacy is not just something physical. Share your heart with your spouse. Cultivating a marriage with meaningful communication will build deeper intimacy. Words move two hearts closer together and unite them as one.

Dear wife, be patient with your husband – we all know men in general don’t talk as much… They are people of action.

Allah didn’t create marriage to be boring! Have fun for His sakes! From sending a naughty text during the day, a random phone call with words that will make your spouse want to finish whatever they are doing and come home, to using words that will build anticipation.

Simple sentences like I made your favorite dish, or I’ll come home with your favorite smoothie can do the trick. It is not the entity that matters. It’s about knowing that your significant other has thought about you and even made an effort to do what pleases you.

When you are together, set aside time for just the two of you to talk. Be intentional and selective with your words. Flirt with one another.

2. Build encouragement

Wives, one of the best things YOU can do for your relationship is to be an encourager. Encouragement can come naturally through sincere daily prayers. Through voicing delight in whatever is done or given to you. Through words of gratitude. This will make him want to do more.

Husbands; women are highly receptive to words. Simple sentences could fuel her attitude for years. The phrase “Allah yai miki albarka” (We want this very badly), or “We can’t do without you”, is all she needs to hear to be her very best.

READ ALSO: How verbal appreciation affect marriage, by Aisha M Auyo

3. Build confidence

Life is hard – it’s full of tough and sobering reminders that we live in a broken world. So use your words to encourage and build hope in your spouse.

Tell them you believe in them and have trust in their ability to excel. In a world full of competition, envy, and self-doubt, be the number one person who believes your spouse, uplifts them, and makes them trust in themselves.

From writing exams, presentations, business ideas, etc. Instill the seed of belief and confidence in them.

Men; please encourage your wife and boost her confidence in her looks and dreams. We need this like oxygen. With your support and trust, we can be the best version of ourselves.

Women; Showing doubt in your man’s ability or dreams will kill his ego. His zeal to work hard, his zeal to excel. If there’s one thing that keeps men alive more than oxygen, it should be a massaged ego.

4. Heal
Words heal broken people, sick people, tired people, people who lost loved ones, even people in coma! I’m sure you’ve watched a movie where friends or families of a person in life support talk and say good things to them, and with time, the person in a coma comes back to life. This works, not only in movies but also in real life.

Soothing words for a broken person can help immensely in their physical and mental recovery. Just hearing someone say that they care about you, believe in your ability to heal, or that life will get better is often enough to improve someone’s mood in their lows.


Life-changing events, sickness, ailment, etc., can affect one spouse or the other. Be the person who brings harmony and healing to your spouse through words. Make it a point to say something positive to your significant other, even if it’s once a day.

However, let us always remember that our words can cripple, destroy and disrupt, as much as they can build and construct. Verbal abuse is as powerful and destructive as physical abuse. It’s not every time we say what we feel. Most times, (Not all the time though), silence is better than some utterances.

Avoid any word that will bring negativity, fear, or discouragement to your spouse. Never threaten or demean your spouse. If there’s an issue that needs to be resolved, choose your words wisely.

Know that, words, once spoken out, can never be taken aback. The words ‘I’m sorry’, ‘I don’t mean it,’ and ‘it was a joke’, can never undo what you said. Some words create wounds that apology will never heal.

Aisha Musa Auyo is a Doctorate researcher in Educational Psychology. A wife, a mother, a homemaker, caterer, parenting, and relationship coach. She can be reached via aishamuauyo@live.co.uk

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