NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher: From Newlywed to Instant Motherhood; I Need Help
“Dear Sis Eesher
I got married in the middle of last year. My husband is a divorcee with two children, aged 4 and 2. The kids were staying with his mother, and he told me that after two years or so, he would bring them to live with us. I agreed to that arrangement.
However, just a week after our wedding, we travelled to visit his mother. On the day we were returning home (we live in a different state), she packed the children’s clothes and insisted we take them with us, saying she was tired of taking care of them. My father-in-law disagreed, and after much back and forth, she insisted we at least take the first child. My husband wasn’t happy about the situation but pleaded with me, so we took the older child home.
Now, six months later, she has brought the second child and left him with us, too. I am constantly exhausted. I can’t focus on my marriage anymore. I take care of the kids day and night, and it’s affecting my business. I’m a fashion designer with a shop outside the home, but I’ve barely been able to sew. The children are always with me, even when I go out. I have no help, and it’s taking a toll on me physically and emotionally.
To make matters harder, I am also TTC (trying to conceive), and the stress isn’t helping.
Please, what can I do? I need a solution.”
Dear Anonymous
You need to have an honest conversation with your husband. Let him know how this is affecting your health, business, and your plans to conceive. You need help. He should support you with a nanny or daycare. You can’t do this alone.
Also, make it a habit to always glorify Allah with SubhanAllah 33 times, Alhamdulillah 33 times, and Allahu Akbar 34 times before you sleep.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) taught his daughter, Fatima, this powerful nightly zikr to help her cope with physical exhaustion and daily hardships when she asked him for a servant. This dhikr, he said, would energize her, boost her sustenance, and make daily tasks easier—providing greater benefit than a servant. This practice is authentically reported in Sahih al-Bukhari 3113.
With love, Sis Eesher
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